To the power that be ... please link this to the group calendar. The one that is currently there is old and outdated. Merci :)
To The Children of Satan,
How are you illegitimate children of Satan doing? What has your dad "The Lucifer" been up to lately? How are your testicles? Too many or not enough? Anyway, enough with the pleasantries. I am here to announce that the Sunday Bike Ride with the Vertical Swimmer is BACK!!!!
As always, our rides are not only wetsuits legal but highly encouraged. We shall commence earlier this year than in prior years. Why? Well, don't ask stupid questions ... just appreciate the fact that you get to once again pull the Future King of Saigon up McArthur Blvd.
The first ride shall begin on Sunday March 20th and the last shall be Sunday July 16th. We may ride some more after I return from my Ironman. Why because the ride, like life, is all about me! Depending on the temperature and amount of light available, we will commence at 7, 8, or 9 AM at the corner of M and Wisconsin in GTown. More details about the first ride will come at a later date so don't send me emails asking me stupid questions. You ingrates are not the only ones who need Internet cruising time during billable hours.
For those who are unfamiliar with this world renowned ride, this is a FREE triathlete ride that does not discriminate on the type of bikes you have. Bring your tricycle if you want. The group pace is dependent on those who shows up on any given Sundays. These ARE dropped rides. This means that we are not going to be holding hands and sing kumbya while waiting for the group to gather before proceeding. If you show up, make sure that you find a good group of people to ride with.
The mileage will varies from week to week but we will be in the 60-120 mile range. All cue sheets will be provide free of chage because I care. You do not have to go the entire distance with the group. Go the distance that you are comfortable with and turn back. The rides will encounter lots of hills. You may even be sterile before the first ride is over so please wear a cup.
From past experience below are the three pace groups.
I HAVE NO TESTICLES GROUP
These guys go so fast that the title is self-explanatory. They will average 20 mph+ during the ride. That's AVERAGE. The will hammer it quite hard on the flats and on the hills and they don't even wear cups while doing it. Not too many people in this group.
I HAVE AS MANY TESTICLES AS VIETNAMESE ROYALTY GROUP
Frankly speaking, these people worship they ground that I walk on. It is the largest group from week to week. We tend to average around 18 mph for the ride and our cups are made of titanium. Our women? They wear chastity belts. 'Nough said.
I HAVE THREE TESTICLES GROUP
These are our sweepers. They enjoy procreating and traversed at a speed that is condusive to that. The speed tend to be around 15-16 mph for the ride. These are the shy folks. They all think that no one rides at their slow pace but truth be told, there are more people in this range than anyone else. They just won't show up to prove it. I am hopping that this will change this year. I like company when I get dropped by those spandex wearing Satans that surrounds me.
This is perfect ride if you are training for an IM, HIM, or just like wearing a cup while riding. If you are interested in riding with us this year, please post your email address here on this thread or shoot me an email offline. Future updates and cue sheets will distributed to the email distro list only. It's not me ... it's you!
As you were,
P.S I will delete last year's email distro list and start a new one. If I don't hear from you, you are dead to me.
count me in, oh vertical one.
I'll happily be a sweeper!
Freaken Rican checking in, and I only have 2 testicles this year.
I will be in. This year, I'm bringing three extra tubes and two extra tires so I don't have to walk back so often.
WOOHOO! Sundays have a meaning again :)
Cool. I'm in...as a sweeper.
This year I am in. See you soon!
Is his royal highness still going to do the RCP picnic grove pick up?
Sounds good! Adding myself to the thread. Looking forward to these.
I've been riding all winter to get ready for these rides! I'm happy to report that the hills are still out there waiting for the group.
Some of you have posted on here and have sent me an offline email.
Some of you have posted on here and have NOT sent me an email. Please post your email address here or send it to me offline otherwise I will forget and won't add you to the email distro list. The email distro list will have the cue sheets as well as other relevant info that will make your ride more enjoyable.
To David (redsv) ... yes the Silver Spring express train is still in service. Pick up will be at picnic area #10 as usual. Details will be on the newsletter.
If you have been riding all winter, this means you have had time to flatten out the hills for His Royal Drafting, Getting Bitch Slapped, 3 Testicle having Pain in arse. You will be flogged on the first ride with a sparebike tube. So if you can bring one for the flogging that would be great.
Add me to the three testicles group. I went out once last year & got dropped very quickly. I'd like to give it another try, so all you other 15-16 mph folks get out there too!
Let's see if I can get through the summer without someone taking a left turn into me while I'm trying to catch up to Kevin D'Amanda (kev7).
Been testosterone doping for this, and for PeasantMan Two.
Looking forward to it....
my number of nads may vary. but I'm in....
I'm a wimp in the cold, so my participation will be weather dependant... but if I wuss out this weekend, you'll see me soon!
Abby ... Wisconsin called. They want you to turn in your passport.