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2010 Predictions
CREATED: 12/10/09 by mosered REPLIES: 12
mosered's ravatar mosered    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 2218
2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 11:18 AM

During a dawn workout at Hains Point, Patrick Serfass, Julia Nagy, and Phil Schmidt ride so far ahead of the pack that they grow bored, and idly turn their gazes to the golf course—where they’re stunned to see a destitute, bedraggled Tiger Woods working as a caddy.

Andy Blatecky winds up in the medical tent with an IV after mistakenly entering Total 200 as a runner.

Bryan Frank and Dean Karnazes finish 50 triathlons in 50 days.

To prevent the problem of glare during the swim, the Nation’s Tri asks Travis Siehndel to mimic the Biblical Joshua, and march in circles around the course and toot his tuba, thus fixing the sun in the sky at a point friendly to swimmers’ eyes. Late that night, the very sunburned residents of DC beg Travis to pick up his tuba again, to allow the sun to again recede below the horizon.

In a desperate bid to win re-election--by bolstering his base among the city’s triathletes--Mayor Fenty buys a forty-billion-dollar heater for the Potomac River.

Chad Lewis, Dean Palmer, and Kevin Damanda file a height discrimination suit against the Philly Tri, demanding it institute a Bantamweight class to go along with the Clydesdale and Athena categories. Drawing on the expertise of the 98.7 percent of their DC Tri Club who are lawyers, they win the case. However, they lose on appeal, in a case argued successfully by Hermes Soyez, after Simon Hernaez, TJ Collins, and Hans Staffelbach intimidate the jury.

Due to the popularity at the inaugural Richmond Triathlon of starting many waves late in the morning on a 95-degree day, USAT announces a new Death Valley Double IronMan, to take place annually at noon on July 15.

Not due to any particular problem, but because everyone else is doing it, Michele Buckley and Lawrence Buckley re-up their pre-nup.

Following up a season in which she interspersed long-distance training with fielding calls from expectant mothers, Dr. Kara Jefferies delivers a baby on her transition blanket at EagleMan.

It's almost midnight at the Lake Placid IronMan, and some--stumbling in the dim light of the run--are still struggling to finish. Then Julie Kennedy and Mimi Raleigh climb a hill overlooking the course, and smile. The moonlight gleaming off their teeth lights up the course; the stragglers take heart and finish.

The Department of Commerce asks Casey Creech to place the results of the 2010 census on his iPhone.

Attempting to resolve the growing dispute on whether running barefoot is better for you, the Celtic Solstice Five Miler tries banning shoes and socks during the race, which again takes place during a late-December blizzard.

Jeanne McCann continues to get into such great shape that, when her daughter wins the Philadelphia Triathlon, Jeanne is mistakenly awarded her gold medal.

In a desperate bid to win re-election, by appealing to the city’s long-distance swimmers, Mayor Fenty appears with Lisa Kilday on Comcast NBC, to announce they’re instituting a 2-mile swim lane at the Nation’s Tri in parallel with the 1-mile swim, for anyone wanting to swim in lanes twice the normal distance.

Due to the popularity of its monthly, free, post-ride barbecues, Conte’s holds a ride and free bbq every day. To allay concerns about the cookouts’ carbon footprint, participants are encouraged to ride their bikes during the workouts.

To make up for the advantage swimmers get from hi-tech LZR Racer suits, WABA hands out free Cervelos to bicyclists.

Sick of always being asked, "Are you related to Ian Thorpe?", swim coach Sarah Thorpe changes her name. To a very common, innocuous name that no one will think twice about. Sarah Woods.

Disconsolate from facing a weekend without any scheduled races, teacher Hugh Harris is suspended from his school after he's caught entering its track and field meet in the guise of a red-shirted freshman. In the same meet, Joe Coyne--disguised in female attire--medals in the women's shotput.

Gold's Gym in Clarendon begins towing bicycles from its parking lot, and placing Denver boots on the shoes of Potomac River Running clientele.

Adriana Anderson and her Highest Cloud Foundation are awarded the first charity slot aboard Richard Branson's SpaceShipOne.

Mark Zaragoza becomes the first person to win the Leadville 100 on a tricycle.

Returning to his initial sport of triathlon, Lance Armstrong seizes first place during the bike leg of the NY City Tri. However, during the run, his air soles are punctured by a nail. "During the Tour de France," he recalls, "my support team would do everything, including changing my footwear for me. To tell the truth, I'm really bad at tying shoes." Lance takes the risk of jogging home on flat shoes, but has built up such a huge lead on the bike that he still finishes first.

On Dec. 25, 2010, Tuan Nguyen holds the inaugural Vietnamese Ironman in Ho, Ho, Ho Chi Minh City.

At SavageMan training weekend, Glenn Elliott veers wildly on his bike to avoid hitting a wild animal--only to realize moments before he crashes that it was Tiger Woods.

vatriathlete    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 685
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 12:08 PM

that is Ed's best writing right there. funny stuff.

ducke's ravatar ducke    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 91
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 1:11 PM

My last words uttered as I gracefully fly of the side of the ravine..again.


philotri's ravatar philotri    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 253
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 1:51 PM

Thank you Ed! Best reading today.

And right here before witnesses, I'm claiming all the bikes in the renewed pre-nup.

siehndel's ravatar siehndel    JOINED: 11/25/05    POSTS: 1104
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 2:01 PM

For LB's sake, I hope there is a sunset clause on that whole bike ownership thing.

Thanks Ed -- Great writing and I needed the laugh after a hard week of putting bread on the table with oohm-pah.

Herminator's ravatar Herminator    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 17
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 3:39 PM

Nice one, Ed. Unfortunately, I'm not a litigator...and I don't think that appelate courts have jurors for Simon and/or TJ to intimidate. We'd just have to hope for remand, I guess.

philotri's ravatar philotri    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 253
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 4:27 PM

Travis - no sunset clause. I need all the leverage I can get to keep him from leaving me for a faster athlete ;-)

On the other hand, I can't ride his bikes. Maybe I should claim Mark Z's instead.

dsgrunning's ravatar dsgrunning    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 1481
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 9:28 PM

Once again the CIA have hacked into my computer and released only snippets of my manifesto that they want to destort to the liberal media in order to destroy my good name. Before my vision of the world as it aught to be gets destroyed by yellow journalism and web sites such as this one, I shall release this photo to set the record straight.

How did Ed Moser know about this photo when I've yet to print my manifesto ? Well, only Ed and the CIA know. They are the ones that have to look at themselves in the mirror.

The world as I see it


guinness    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 64
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/10/09 11:12 PM

Awesome, Ed. That one should be memorialized on the website somewhere! Thanks (although you have made me miss DC and the club even more)!

wombat's ravatar wombat    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 269
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/11/09 11:56 AM

Too funny! Now I expect Ed to draft the triathlete version of Twelve Days of Christmas and present it at the annual meeting.

trithis73's ravatar trithis73    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 525
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/12/09 6:11 PM

This was awesome Ed, and I have to agree with Ed. We need a shorty division. I mean we race twice the race the rest of you all do. When I did my first Half Ironman, I was half tempted to get my M-Dot Tat. When I look to my left and see nothing but Casey's A## when we are both riding, means he is at a huge(no pun intended) advantage.

vatriathlete    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 685
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/12/09 6:53 PM


mosered's ravatar mosered    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 2218
RE: 2010 Predictions
POSTED: 12/24/09 12:46 PM

Had to add a few more.

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