PeasantMan Triathlon - The Peasant's Retreat
Hello Peasant Class Citizens,
The Future King of Saigon is here with a message to make your lives whole again. No need to hide the family chickens. This message won't self-destruct. Please stick it to the MAN by forwarding and reading this message while on the company's dime. Why should you work hard when there are co-workers readily available? After all, there is no "I" in team.
Anyway, the Freshest Prince of Saigon in conjunction with High Cloud Foundation is pleased to announce the return of PeasantMan. The official name and theme of this year's event is The High Cloud PeasantMan Triathlon - The Peasant's Retreat.
Last year as an organization, we did an extremely poor job of sterilizing you. Frankly, it frightens us that many of you are still reproducing at an alarming rate. This year, to ensure that we have more time to finish the job, we will be adding an extra component for those interested in the royal treatment. We are going to make this a true Peasant's retreat by adding a camping component. We are also moving the Vertical Show to Lake Anna, Virginia.
For those of you who do not know what Lake Anna is or where it is located, click on the below link.
I know ... you SHOULD feel stupid after clicking that link.
Below is the description from last year. Please read through the entire thread to get the flavor of the event. There are links to two videos of last year's event at the end of the thread. Again, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY. You will have a blast! Women will think that you are hot. Men will throw their panties at you. Don't miss out on this opportunity to live life in the way that it should be lived ... like a Vietnamese with less than two testicles. Don't hate us, hate agent orange.
This year's event will occur on Sunday May 8th at Lake Anna, VA. Lake Anna is about a 60+ minutes drive from downtown DC ... 20 minutes if your name is Albert Haynesworth. I live in Silver Spring and am planning to drive there in the morning so it is definitely drivable. The event will kick off at 9:00 AM so as to allow some of you lazy ass folks extra time to get there.
Registration will open on Thursday March 17, 2011 at 10:00 AM EST. I will send you a follow up email with a registration link as the date approaches. As you all know, last year we charged everyone $5 for registration, $5 for food, and $5 for PeasantMan T-shirts. That $15 triathlon almost broke the Vietnamese 401k plan ... not to mention High Cloud's govt sponsored health care plan. This year we will need to charge enough to not only cover our out of pocket expenses but have enough left over to help out the children that benefit from the work of High Cloud Foundation both at home and abroad,
The registration price this year will be competitive with a WTC Ironman run event. We are second to no one ... well, almost no one. Registration will start at $600 to compete with WTC. However, we do realized that you have no money and/or are cheap bastards. If you register early, we will give you a $570.01 discount. We are practically giving everyone $570 and 1 cent of free cash before the event has even begun. Back in the motherland, we call this the Viet Cong Special. Ah, 'em Viet Congs .... who said inbreeds can't contribute to society?
Feel free to use that money to bring George W. Bush back into the White House or elect a Vietnamese born dude to the White House. Think about it. My first executive order will be to get rid of Congress so that you will no longer need to worry about federal layoffs and budget impasses. Everyone wins under my system.
Georgetown Cupcakes will once again be at the event to give out, for free, their famous cupcakes for all participants. Please leave your hoochies at home. The cupcakes are for participants only. We will also have a BBQ/picnic with all kinds of food and drinks at the conclusion of the event.
Think about it. For $29.99 you are getting an oly/sprint distance practice triathlon, free food, free drinks, free massages (by students at the PMTI school of massage therapy), free swag (PeasantMan 16 oz. beer pint glass), open water swim clinic by a professional organization (WaveOne), music, bike riding clinic, bike tech support along the course (Revolution Cycles), free goodies from Pirate Bootie, free Dick's Sporting Goods stuff, Under Armour gift baskets to a lucky few, free breakfast courtesy of Whole Foods, Drink More Water water, camaraderie, and of course a Vietnamese with one testicle. You can't beat that. All that for one low price of $29.99.
I know what you are all thinking. You all have committed numerous sins and are destined for hell. You want to make up for that so that you will go to heaven when you die. Well, guess what? By doing this event, you are helping children from all over the planet benefit from the work of High Cloud. This is your free ticket to heaven. Take advantage of this or burn in hell!
We will set up a campsite at Lake Anna the day before the event for those interested in camping with us. There will be organized activities at the campsite. We will build a bon fire and burn a water buffalo in effigy. We will party like Saigon 1974, sing kumbaya, and share our feelings during the night prior to the race to cleanse our soul. There will be food, camaraderie, and nature. Think about it ... you will get to converse with Bambi and Thumper.
The campground will have the following three options:
1. The Vietnamese Option: You will go camping the Vietnamese way. You will sleep in a hotel-like room with a flushing toilet, air condition, and remote control to a TV that may or may not work. Camping means something totally different in Vietnam than it does here in the U.S. In Vietnam, "going camping" is the Viet Cong way of telling you that a spot just opened up for you and your family at the re-education camp in the resort town of Da Nang. They will tell you that it's a relaxing experience. They are liars.
2. The High Cloud Peasant's Hilton: You will have the kind of luxuries that all peasants will envy. You will sleep in a cabin with bunk beds and shared bathrooms. Think along the line of a hostel.
3. The High Cloud Peasant's Commode: You will pitch a tent on the cold hard ground and go old school. Please pee responsibly by doing it in the forests with the rest of the animals.
All three options are near one another so you can party in the organized night time PeasantMan activities without missing a beat. Once you have signed up, I will send you more details on how to secure a camp site.
If you have any questions about anything and everything, please feel free to contact me. If you have a stupid question, I will bitch slap you.
The next best thing to David Koresh.
And there are no jelly fish, or uppity park rangers, at Lake Anna!
Just a word of warning to those of you that (may) value your remaining testicle - Sunday, May 8th is Mother's Day.
Now you've stolen my thunder :). I will have more on this next week but part of our event festivities include a little something something for mothers in attendance (i.e, those mothers who are not racing). There is a specific question on the registration form for this.
Yes! We are going to have beautiful Mother’s day surprises to give to all sweet Moms out there! Bring your Mom over! We are going to have a special Mother’s day party for them, including massages and wonderful treats!
Is this event NTP friendly? Or do you think it would be too advanced?
It is 100% NTP/newbies friendly ... not to say that we won't have our fare share of veterans there. NTPers/newbies are actually who we had in mind when started this. It is why we chose to make this non-competitive/non-timed. It will be more about practice and having fun than racing.
We have actually reserved 50 slots for NTPers with a special code that will allow you all to register before everyone else. You will hear about this and get the code on your next NTP newsletter. You can probably inquire more from your co-leaders or mentors. Chances are that they were all there last year.
Bryan was our bike police. Ryan was our designated USAT official/safety guide. Pam, Kaie, and a few others of the NTP co-leaders were there also.
We will also have a bike riding/handling clinic and open water swim clinic (you can never have too many open water practice swims) as part of the festivities.
Please post any other questions that you may have since others will have the same.
the david koresh comment was classic. very very funny posting
We also need a lot of volunteers. If you can help out, please send our volunteer coordinator Becky (a DCTri member) an email. Her email address is firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are bringing a friend or family member, sign them up so that they can enjoy the festivities and free food for the volunteers. We need everything from body markers to veteran triathletes walking around the transition area helping newbies set up their transition areas to course marshalls to many many many more things.
This is also an opportunity to be more active within the DCTri community since there will be lots of DCTri folks there.
This is the picture of the actual beach and lake of the PeasatMan swim course. Participants will line up at the beach and swim in this beautiful area. It will be marked by buoys on race day and patrolled by lifeguards and kayakers.
This sounds so awesome! It will be great practice for Columbia.
So I've seen three different dates so far as to when registration opens. Our newsletter said one thing, the website says something different, and this post says another date. I may be jumping the gun...or maybe I let some super secret info out, but I'm just trying to figure out when the actual registration day is. Thanks as always.
There are no secrets among friends.
Special sign ups for DCTri NTPers will open shortly (by 10:00 AM). Sorry for the conflicting dates. We reserved different dates for different people like NTPers that we did not (until now) disclosed to the general public at large.
For everyone else, it is Thursday March 17th. FYI to everyone else (non-NTPers) who is trying to jump the gun. You cannot sign up for this without a special code that was given to NTPers only ... so you will have to wait until Thursday in order for the restriction to be removed.
Candace ... since you've asked so many good questions that others are probably wondering, I am going to give you bib #1 or any special number that you want. Just drop me an email offline with that number. I am also going to give you some extra goodies. Include in your email your mailing address so that the extra goodies can be sent to your home.
Registration for PeasantMan for NTPers ONLY is now officially open.
Please follow the link provided in the NTP newsletter to register. Please disregard the message at the top of the web page and go to the bottom of the page to sign up. There is a link at the bottom of that page that will direct you to the registration page. The message at the top of the page is for the folks registering on Thursday March 17th.
Only 50 slots are available to NTPers so get your slots quickly. If you miss out, you will have to wait until Thursday to sign up like everyone else.
Please drop me an email offline if you have any issues or questions.
I just registered for 2 people (myself and another NTP'er) with my CC. Is that going to be a problem? Granted, it's a bit late to do anything about it now. But let me know if I need to register for her seperately?
No problem Catherine. Should I send both GTown cupcakes to you after the race or will it be divided equally? :)
it will just be extra incentive for me to beat her! :)
So signup for Peasantman - "The Peasant's Retreat" down in Lake Anna the weekend of Sunday May 8th, 2011 Opens up Thursday March 17th am I correct?
I have a few non-DCTri folks that are interested as well, is this Kosher or frowned upon?
Thanks for doing this again everyone, I'm looking forward to a fun time!