Hello Peasant Class Citizens,
I come to you today with a special Vietnamese Royalty message that will enriched your lives in ways that few peasants like yourselves can ever fully understand or appreciate. As a sign of respect for the Freshest Prince of Saigon, please stand up as you are reading this message. I'm organizing a practice tri event out of Sandy Point that I hoped you all can attend. There is no need to thank me ... the sacrifices that you make to feed me instead of your own children are thanks enough.
The course of this event will mimic the now defunct Annapolis Triathlon course but with a Royal twist. The format will be a cross between the training tri that occurs every summer in Haines Point and the Bricknic. The date of this event is Sunday July 25, 2010. This event is officially called the PeasantMan Reaching the High Cloud Triathlon ... that's PMRTHCT for all of the non-native English speakers out there. I will publish the PeasantMan Athlete's Guide with all relevant info as the date gets closer.
As part of the PeasantMan experience, there will be an open water swim component in the waters of Sandy Point. Swim? Yes swim. You are peasants and I enjoy seafood ... you do the math. It will then be followed by a bike ride that will go through beautiful historic old town Annapolis and the U.S. Naval Academy. The run will be within the majestic grounds of Sandy Point State Park. The bike ride will be a fixed distance of 25 miles. They're Vietnamese miles so they could be 24 or 26 or perhaps even 23 or 27. The swim will have a 700 meter-ish and 1,400 meter-ish option. The run will have a 5k and 10k option. Again, Vietnamese metrics were used. There will be a T-1/T-2 area. We will follow the event with a picnic in the same manner as the Bricknic. You will eat and you will tell me how great I am.
If folks want to show up just to only swim, bike, run, or any combo thereof ... that is also acceptable and encouraged. This is not a formal race. This is a training day with a picnic in a social atmosphere as opposed to a competitive one. No one there will be to track your time. You go and handle things at your own pace. Come out and have fun with folks who share your passions. It's fun day and a fun event.
This is not an event that DCTri is subsidizing like the bricknic, duathlon, or swim meet. Since money does not grow on trees in the Royal Castle, money for the event will come out of Vietnamese Royalty's own pocket. To defray the cost, I'm asking you all to starve your children so that you can donate $5 to the cause. Stuff like ice, Gatorade, food for the grill, and etc need be purchased. This is a volunteer $5 donation to the cause. For those who do not feel like donating to the cause, please drop me an email offline. I have a great yearning to unleash some Vietnamese curse words on somebody. Any money that remains may or may not be donated to the Royal Hoochies.
For your $5, not only will you be fed but you will also get a PeasantMan goodie bag. You will also be given a free open water swim clinic the day before the big day. You'll get to experience the swim course before doing it with everyone else the next day. If you are a bit shaky in the open water, Ironman Simon, Ironman Amanda, and the walking freak show Tammy will give you instructions on how to better adapt to it. If you are already solid in the open waters, use the opportunity to get some extra open water swimming under your belts ... you can never get enough of these.
If you are a NTPer, this is an excellent opportunity to get another triathlon and mass open water swim start experience under your belt in a more relaxed atmosphere. If you are a veteran who is tapering for a race that is coming up, this is an excellent opportunity for a casual taper workout. If you are a woman who is looking to rob the cradle, I hear that the U.S. Naval Academy has a lot of eye candies that you can look at as you ride the bike through campus. If you are a dude, there will be lots of women who will be hungry after looking at so many eye candies ... get your "how u doin' speech" ready.
As a special bonus, those who sign up will get irregular email updates from yours truly. Not only will I entertain you, I will entertain you during billable hours at work. It's a win-win situation. I know I know, I'm humble and generous to a fault. I can't help it. It's what makes me Royalty and you ... an untouchable peasant.
The PeasantMan have got some heavy hitters from DCTri on board to make this a fun and exciting training event for everyone. We've got the following folks:
Ed Moser (the Godfather of DCTri): will be kayaking around to ensure that we have a safe experience in the water. You ask him for a favor ... he asks you for one of your finger. When you kneal to kiss the ring on his finger, make sure none of your fingers are exposed. 'Nough said.
Ryan Troll (NTP Co-leader/waiting for Kona slot): will work with DCTri merchant partner Revolution Cycle to provide bike mechanics at the start as well as sag bike support
Adriana (Ironman) and Matt Anderson (Ironman in training): these two founders of High Cloud (and DCTri members) will be bringing along their organization to sponsor us. They will be giving us boat loads of food, planning and logistical supports, and many many many other freebies. Truth be told, High Cloud will be doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this event. To find out more about this wonderful organization, go to http://www.highcloud.org/
Simon Hernaez (Ironman), Amanda Chadwick (Ironman), and Tammy Farmer (Ironman in training): these swimming studs will be holding a free open water swim clinic to give everyone extra OWS experience. You can join them to log in some extra OWS time or you can join them to get some pointers on how to succeed in any OWS events. As a side note, I would be remissed if I didn't tell you that for fun Tammy and Amanda do the Chesapeake Bay 4-5 mile swim every year sans wetsuits and swimsuits. That, my friends, is old school buoyancy. That, my friends, is also why they've been bared from swimming in the Mekong.
Mark Z (Ironman): will be providing medical support with some of his military buddies. He will also sweep the bike course.
Hugh Harris (Ironman): will be coordinating the volunteers
Tuan (Ironman): will be your eye candy. You may need to wash your eyes out with holy water then re-dip them in vinegar when it's all said and done.
THE PEASANTMAN ADVENTURE
Boys and Girls ... even though this is a training event, make no mistake that is a big time event. We are going to try to give you all the look and feel of a real triathlon experience. Obviously DCTri and High Cloud are playing major active roles in this but we also have some corporate sponsors lined up to make this a truly unique training event that you have ever been to before. I won't spoil the company secrets but let's just say that there are some tricks up my sleeves that I think you all will enjoy.
As if co-mingling with the future King of Vietnam was not enough, there will also be finishers medals, massage therapists, and great prizes (i.e. gift cards from Under Armour, Dicks Sporting Goods, Best Buy, etc). For an extra $5, you can get your very own PeasantMan collectible T-shirt (in the active.com sign up page). What's a better way to tell the world that you are a proud peasant than to have a PeasantMan T-shirt on. The other peasants out in the rice paddy fields will be envious of you!
There will also be photographers on hand to capture your adventure. Those who want their pictures taken with the future King of Vietnam can also do so at no cost. Think about it. You come home from a hard day out in the fields working for the MAN. You open your front door and you see a huge picture of you standing next to the future King. WOW! Helloooo ... talk about a special Kodak moment!
Have I mentioned that all of this for only $5? For those who respond within the next 60 minutes, I will throw in a free Vietnamese. That's not a misprint. While some will throw in a free measly Cambodian ... we throw in a Vietnamese. It's like getting a Cambodian but with chic and panache.
THE SIGN UP
To sign up for this event, please go to the above link. I'm going to cap this event when a certain threshold is meet. What is the threshold? You are peasants so you should not ask so many questions. This means that you need to sign up as soon as possible or risk being left out and hearing about it afterward. The emphasis of this event will be training and social so don't be left out.
If you have friends who wants to dibble and dabble in the tri world, bring them along to experience it. If you have friends who are triathletes who are not part of DCTri, bring them along also. Bring the significant others/friends/children and make a picnic day out of it. This is all inclusive ...just make sure that everyone pays so that I can have a good and accurate head count for the food and the support. The Royal hoochies also need to be fed so I need your money more than you realize.
On a more serious note, I promised you that 100% of the unused funds will go to charity. As of right now, I'm planning to donate all of it to High Cloud since they are sponsoring the event have given us more material, financial, and logistical support than one can ever expect. You can't have a $5 triathlon without the kind of support that we are getting.
Bring out the family, friends, and significant others to enjoy the entire day experience. They will participate by volunteering at home base and enjoying the picnic. You will participate by swimming, biking, running, and eating. Heck, we'll even solicit your guests to be volunteers. It should be noted that Sandy Point does not allow pets. It should also noted #2, you do not want your pets next to a Vietnamese. My conscience is now clear.
Please forward this message to all of your friends, baby's mammas, hoochies, and sugar daddies. If you have any questions, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or post it on this thread. You may now sit down.
Protector of the Kingdom
It all depends on who's giving the massage?
Also, where's the mani/pedi?
Wow, that's truly an offer that can't be refused.
And it's said Tuan cannot refuse a request on the day of his PeasantMan.
lol, I am so in.
Check out this Flyer
Lisa ... I'm Vietnamese. It's in my DNA to provide you with the best pedicure and manicure on this side of the Mekong. Bring your pretty little toes and fingers and i'll sprinkle some agent orange on there for you.
A chance to serve his Royal Highness - I'm in!
If all Tri descriptions were written like this I would be sucked in for all! I'm in!!!!
Having already entered the Vietnamese Kingdom of Heaven, I aspire to reach the High Cloud where my journey for self actualization will reach another level. Thank you, Royalty, for enlightening me on my way.
Put me on the list. Do I get extra royalty points if I carry my 9 yo through the race? Anyone else with kids coming?
There are no lists ... you have to sign up via the active.com link that I provided. However, you have stolen my thunder. I'm planning (in June/July) to solicit people to bring their children to the event as volunteers. I was going to let the little youngins body mark people at the check-in table as well as walk around the transition area to body mark those who have yet to be body mark ... so definitely bring your daughter. We will have plenty of volunteers at base to look after your daughter if you wish s/b/r or all 3.
if we have enough kids, I'm going to allocate some volunteers to specifically look after people's kids while they are out in the course.
Jeanne ... there is no alcohol in the Kingdom. Can't have drunk peasants defending the Kingdom.
I registered for Oly. Will bring young child for body marking. I may just end up volunteering if I can't leave child on the beach tethered to immobile object.
Maureen ... since Royalty is afraid of the water, at a min he can watch your daughter while you swim :) You can volunteer after the swim if you want.
5 bucks... sounds worth it to me.
SOLD! I'm in. Sounds like a fun, relaxed training atmosphere.
I'm NTP class of 2010 and I love the Royal Family
I'm NTP class of 2010 and I love the Royal Family
Congrats Rebecca. You are now the proud recipient of the free wetsuit rental. I will contact you offline shortly.
For those who think that Rebecca is going a bit overboard with her love for the Royal Family, she was just responding to an email that I sent out to the folks who have registered to the PeasantMan Triathlon. Below is the email that was sent out.
Folks ... this is the kind experience that you get when you sign up for PeasantMan. Free gifts, free toys, free green cards, and free love with very few strings attached :)
PEASANTMAN TRIATHLON APRIL UPDATE
I want to thank everyone who has signed up so far. We have had a lot of people signed up but I won't rest until the rest of the peasant population come to their senses and leave the rice paddy field of shame and enter the rice paddy field of honor.
You are getting this email because you have signed up for PeasantMan in some capacity (i.e., participant/volunteer). If you want to unsubscribe from future emails, please drop me an email so that I can tell you that it's too late to do so.
Or, if it makes you feel better then you can click here -->> CLICK.
Apparently the MAN has gotten word of the PeasantMan Triathlon happening in his backyard. The Chief of Police from the Annapolis Police Department contacted the Office of the Mayor of Annapolis. The Office of the Mayor of Annapolis recently contacted representatives of the Royal Kingdom. We almost had an international incident. It was a fun conversation talking to the MAN and trying to convince him that we will not be swimming in the path of his $8 million yacht in the Port of Annapolis. How they found out about this event, I have no idea but if this isn't irrefutable evidence that the CIA is trying to screw with me then I don't know what is.
I'm not sure who told them but apparently they were under the impression that we were going to swim in the waters of the marina next to old town Annapolis and not Sandy Point. After the cursing stopped and the tears dried, the MAN and I laughed and had a group hug over the phone. I'm not sure how the CIA was able to infiltrate the Royal email list but it has now been compromised. Perhaps one of yous contacted the police but let me just say it again ... you never ever ever ever call the police on a Vietnamese. NEVER! Some of us may or may not have our immigration paperwork in order ;) To you it may be funny. To us, it's Saigon 1975 all over again.
For the record, I've cleared it all with the power that be at Sandy Point way way way beforehand. As a reminder, just in case this email is forwarded to the Chief of Police of Annapolis AGAIN, the PeasatMan is a training day just like the Bricknic or the Haines Point pool tri. It's not a race. The fact that you are swimming, biking, and running in successions does not make it a race. If you need to have a label, label it "THE Peasant's Brick."
You will not be admitted to the Royal Castle if you finish first, last, or somewhere in between. There are no Kona slots or prize money. Christie Wellington won't be there to put a medal over your neck. Now that the police AND the CIA are on to us ... just be glad that there is a Vietnamese there to cheer you on. There would have been at least two but one of you smartass called the police on us.
FREE WETSUIT RENTAL
As part of the PeasantMan experience, I want to do everything that I can to help the NTP class of 2010 float in the water like they've never floated before. Why? Because I care. I have a voucher for a free wetsuit rental for one week from Conte. You can use the voucher for the DC Triathlon, Nations, Ironman Vietnam, or any 2010 race of your choosing.
The first NTP class of 2010 person to post their first and last name in the DCTri (http://www.dctriclub.com/forum/messages.cfm?tid=D063F304-9E10-5997-05E267632726FF2A&page=2 ) forum will get that free voucher. Just say "I'm NTP class of 2010 and I love the Royal Family" and the voucher is yours. Based on the info that you provided Active.com when you signed up for PeasantMan, I'll contact you offline to give you the voucher.
For all of the non-NTP class of 2010 folks who are about to send me email messages wondering if there are any free stuff for them, I'm going to let you listen to me think out loud for a moment ... "WTF?"
Protector of the Kingdom