*** PeasantMan registration is now closed ****
There are no waiting lists, bib transfers, deferrals, bribery, or any of that stuff. Please don't send email me sad stories about how your cat died in a freak accident and how you would like to use PeasantMan to dedicate it to your cat.
We do need volunteers so please help out if you can. Email me at email@example.com.
Now, the reason why people have declared their love to me is because of the email that I sent out to the participants of PeasantMan. Below is the actual email.
Hello People who's lives are not as good as mine and never will be,
Vietnamese Royalty here with a June update to PeasantMan. For those of you who don't know what June is, it's the month before July and after May. I know that I shouldn't explain something as simple as this but some of your parents conceived you while they were drunk. It was either that or they are first cousins. They won't admit it but I'm sure that it's pretty obvious to you by now.
Are you getting excited about this epic event? Have you decided where you will put your P-dot tattoo? I personally think that they forehead is the best place. It will help you attract future mates or keep the current ones from thinking that the grass is greener next door. The best day of your life is about a month away. I hoped that you are training hard. Please remember to taper properly. This unique event does not occur often.
I want to thank everyone who has paid for the community slots at PeasantMan. Without your money, the Royal Hoochies get very atitudie and well ... a little bit more hungry than usual. God blessed them. They are so darn cute but can be quite bitchy when the money supply runs thin.
Anyway, when I say everyone, I mean everyone except for Andrea Fava. This young lady looked at me straight in the face (without permission I may add) and promised to send me the check. It's been almost 3 months and I have yet to see the check. I understand that it's in the nature of the female species to be deceitful but someone needs to tell her that she's dealing with Royalty and not peasants. Also not paid ... Max Spector. They must be siblings ;)
What does all of this have to do with the actual PeasantMan event and how does it affect you, you ask? Well you ingrates, nothing but this is how I roll. What are you complaining about? You are probably reading this while on your company's dime. Next time at least have the decency to close down your solitaire window before you open up non-company related emails. Billable hours does not mean bill for work not performed. I'm a born again Vietnamese. I can click on a solitaire window and a web browser simultaneously.
First of all, congrats to Jennifer Yager for winning the May $40 Best Buy gift card prize (courtesy of High Cloud). Jen is a DCTri NTPer who also happens to be my mentee. As a special gift, I also included a bonus prize of five 8x10 photos of me for her to display in her home. If you are going to be a mentee of Royalty then obviously you need pictures of Royalty to be displayed prominently in your home. For those who thinks that this competition was fixed ... well, you can bite my Royal ass.
Anyway, Love Boat Royal Vietnam in association with the Freshest Prince of Saigon, LLC will give the participants of PeasantMan two prizes this month. The first is an all expenses paid trip to the nation's capital to run the Marine Corps Marathon. Not included in the prize are air, hotel, food, land transportation, and/or other costs. What you will get is a free 2010 Marine Corps Marathon bib courtesy of High Cloud. This is a $95 value that is yours for free. The MCM is now closed so this is a very valuable prize. Don't think of this as a 26.2 mile run. Think of it as a 42 km dash that is wetsuit legal.
If you have ran a marathon previously but have not registered for the MCM this year, here's your chance to take part in this event. If you have NEVER ran a marathon before, consider this a calling from the Vietnamese Gods. I also run a marathon training group that trains specifically for the MCM. If you win this prize, you are more than welcome to join the Royal Running Group for free. Let me know if you are interested is seeing my beautiful face every Saturdays for the next 20 weeks. Boys and girls ... this is a gift that keeps on giving.
The second prize is a DCTri swim cap. You can wear this in a pool, ocean, lake, or at one of the DCTri happy hours. It's cool. It's hip and it's yours for free. Not included in this prize are floating on your back lessons or aqua walking instructions.
If you want either of these prizes, please declare your love for the Royal Family in the below link. Please specify if you want the MCM bib or the swim cap. And no, your free loading ass can't have both. The first posts after 12:00 PM (noon) will get the prize. Do it beforehand then not only were your parents drunk when they conceived you, they probably did it on purpose just to screw with you.
It has come to my attention that some of you have been passing my emails around to your office co-workers, friends, and families. Please stop that. This is why 42% of the Kingdom's water buffalos are sterile. If your entire herd of water buffalos are sterile, stop reading my emails to them. FYI: it's ain't the Vietnamese's fault if your water buffaloes don't know how to procreate. You should stop inbreeding them!
Being Royalty is very trying at times. I don't know how the Queen of England does it.
Peeps ... I know that you all have a lot of fat and lazy friends/co-workers/children. I know that they are useless most of the year but it's time for that uselessness to end. It's time to take a stance to better humanity. Just the other day I got an email from a PeasantMan participant and employee of Marriott (S. Kelley) telling me how lazy and useless his triathlete friends at Marriott are. I'm not sure why he preference it with triathlete but those would be the perfect bums to get to come out and help with the volunteer efforts.
To the Marriott Corp bums that S. Kelley is referencing: If you are reading my emails during billable hours, don't you think that it's appropriate to come out and volunteer? I mean, are you going be bums from now to eternity? Am I interrupting your solitaire time?
To everyone else, if you know bums like that at home or in your place of employment, we need them to come out and help us out by being a volunteer. Please help us by bringing along a volunteer to make things run smoothly on event day. We will feed them and lied to them by telling them that it's a paid position.
To all of the ladies out there, I don't care if you are single, married, or "it's complicated," please hit the bars this coming weekend and find me a douche bag. Please make sure that he's not a Vietnamese ... because that could be awkward for the both of us. Lead him on and tell him that you have a romantic picnic planned for the two of you at Sandy Point. Once he arrives at Sandy Point, good ol Royalty will take it from there.
Please drop me an email if you can help out with a volunteer. The nation of Vietnam thanks you. The fate of humanity is now in your hands.
Before I get any emails while on my three hour lunch break, specific details about event day will be coming in July. Please don't be a type-A and contact me on the first day of July either. If you want something to do, ask your parents why they purposely drank before conceiving you.
Tuan, Protector of the Kingdom and your reason for living.
I'll take a swim cap and am working on getting you some volunteers!
A loyal peasant,
Thanks Chloe. We can use all the volunteers we can get.
The swim cap prize has already been spoken for. It was given away on page 4 of this thread.
*** THIS EVENT IS CLOSED *****
We are still looking for volunteers. Please give back to the community by helping out if you can. Thanks.
This is an email that I sent out eariler today to the paid registrants. I want to make sure that it gets to its intended audience.
Guys ... the greatest day of your lives is fast approaching. I know that many of you are taking this event quite seriously. A bunch of you approached me during the DC Triathlon this past Sunday telling me that you are using the DC Triathlon as a dry run to dial in your pace and nutrition plans for PeasantMan. I'm glad to hear that. Bring your "A" game to PeasantMan or stay home.
The PeasantMan bib assignments are now online. Please review it to see if the info on there are correct. If your name is missing then please let me know. I'm pretty sure that I got every one who has paid for a slot. Details about bib pickups and other stuff will be in the PeasantMan Athlete's Guide that is coming out in the middle of July.
Other than the missing names, there is nothing that can be changed at this moment. If you want to change your distance, you can do that on event day. If the shirt size is wrong, either gain weight or loose weight. If I misspelled your name then you should go change your name to the way I spelled it. My way is probably better anyway.
Just go to the middle of the page where it says "Click here to view your assigned bib number for PeasantMan!" Click on that link and a pdf will show up. As a bonus, at the top of that pdf is a picture of me doing peasant's work. Although I'm no longer in that lifestyle, let it be know that I know what it's like to be you. Why is that important? ... because I care.
Tuan, A Royalty that cares.
Great picture of the youthful Tuan in the Mekong, apparently fishing. It's hard to believe You are not an expert swimmer, given the setting of Your childhood labor camp. Perhaps Your Highness' fishnets could be used to clear the Sandy Pt. swim course of jellyfish?
Does anyone have space for me and my bike? I'd love a ride to Peasantman.
nbediamola at yahoo
I can volunteer if you still need people. firstname.lastname@example.org.
If you still need a volunteer...lemme know.
shannonmkane AT gmail.com
Thanks for volunteering. You are now on my volunteer distro list. I will send out volunteer info next week.
I can volunteer if you need help. I don't mind the early shift.
Email address might help...
kimberrankin at yahoo dot com
Thanks Kimberly ... you are now on the volunteer list.
what might also help is an ATM number and your mother's maiden name ... but we can discuss that offline.
That would be a plus plus :) Any generous contribution ($$) to the PeasantMan fund will help us alot and will be tax-exempt! Thank you for helping us to make PeasantMan an awesome event! We are going to have awesome raffle prizes! Can't wait! Cheers! Adriana & Matt
does anyone else need a ride? i could split a flexcar with someone.
nbediamola at yahoo
Dave ... what's your location? I'll give a carpool shout out the next time that I send a mass email out to the group
Thanks, i'm in NW DC. can meet within reasonable distance of columbia heights
Dave -- I have a ride for you! E-mail me offline at kristoferkitto (at) hotmail (dot) com.
Kris (your CoHi WSC gym buddy. :) )
Children Of the Corn,
The mother of all moments has arrived! The greatest day of your lives is but a few days away. Get down on your knees and bow your heads out of respect for the my Vietnamesenesses. It's is my pleasure to introduce to you the PeasantMan Athlete's Guide. Although 99% of the work in putting this piece of artwork together was done by the awesome folks at High Cloud, I've poured my heart and soul into the document. Read it. Embrace it. Live it!
Scroll down to the middle of the page of the below URL.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Ed Moser has a kayak that needs to be brought to Sandy Point. If you live near Old Town Alexandria and have a van/SUV, please help him out by transporting his kayak to Sandy Point for him. Ed's email address is email@example.com.
We have reports of some nettles/jellyfish reports out of Sandy Point last Sunday. It might be a good idea to wear a wetsuit if you have one. If you are one of those dudes that wear one of those Euro Speedo swim bikini, you might consider wearing a cup underneath.
There will be a professional massage therapist there after the event. It costs $1 per minute. A complete rub down takes about minutes or $20 so bring some money.
The bib assignment document on the web page is missing a few names due to late registrations. Rest assure if you have given me your hard earn money, you have a bib number. If your name is not on the list, drop me an email. Your name will be on the list at packet pickup.
To all of the PeasantMan volunteers, I will send you an email later on this week concerning volunteering at PeasantMan. On behalf of everyone involved, I want to thank you ahead of time. Without you, there is no PeasantMan.
Old school Vietnamesenesses
In the beginning was the Athlete's Guide, and the Athlete's Guide was with Tuan, and the Athlete's Guide was Tuan.
I'll be volunteering at PeasantMan and will be driving out from SW DC (near L'Enfant Plaza). I can fit one more person + bike. Email me at getgabby at gmail if you need a ride.