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2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
CREATED: 12/12/10 by mosered REPLIES: 16
mosered's ravatar mosered    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 2218
2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 10:10 AM

Area athletes are upset at the city's new bike-free Segway Lane along Pennsylvania Avenue.

Accelerade conducts scientific studies confirming Karen Willard's thesis--the best recovery food is cheese fries from SONIC.

Triathlete and former mayor Adrian Fenty gets no respect from the city he once ran. At Hains Pt., DC police ticket Fenty for running a stop sign. During a run.

Controversy again roils Club Challenge, as many clubs and participants enter apparently inflated mileage. Hellgate 100K finisher Andy Blatecky, for instance, claims to have actually run 62 miles in one day.

Losing out to Qatar for 2012, the Nation’s Tri fails in its bid to host the Nation’s Tri.

Desperate to keep up with the club's ridiculously fast chicks, the club’s guys hold sleepovers and stand on lines outside Georgetown Cupcake.

Due to a scheduling glitch, the second annual Jon Stewart and Glenn Beck rallies are held on the same day. Demonstrators fill downtown, shutting down the roads and subways. One million protestors from both rallies are forced to spend the night together on the Mall. Nine months later, exactly one half million middle-of-the-road babies are born.

Taking pity on Joe Coyne, Jenny Leehey decides to let him beat her at arm wrestling. However, she has been doing the women's 100 pushups program, and easily wins.

Willie Nelson and Michael Phelps make large donations to the High Cloud foundation, after assuming it’s a pressure group for the legalization of marijuana.

During a workout off Sandy Point, Glenn Elliott again rescues another flailing, drowning swimmer--but Casey Creech explains that's the way he always swims.

For fun, look-a-like speedsters Ellen Wexler and Anna McGeehan trade their race numbers and IDs before a race, but both still come in first.

USAT begins a new SuperPass program--$100,000 gets you guaranteed entry into PeasantMan.

Total 200 founder Eric Goetz celebrates the 2nd birthday of his first child, by rechristening the kid Total2.

During a skiing trip to Vail, Colorado transplant Mimi Raleigh causes temporary snow blindness among a group of skiers, while smiling continuously during a particularly long stretch of sun-reflecting trail.

Physicists at Switzerland’s Hadron Supercollider discover new particles, by observing matter that moves at almost the speed of light. After the experiment is complete, they give Phil Schmidt and Dirk De Heer free tours of the facility.

At his hometown Philadelphia Triathlon, Ron Benedict gets lost in the bike-to-run transition. Fortunately, he is able to locate his bike, which has a Garmin, and manages to find the exit.

Breaking precedent with previous presidents, former club President Julie Kennedy decides not to build a Presidential Library, instead storing all her official documents in a Kindle.

Former Redskin Albert Haynesworth takes up triathlon, after realizing he can blow off workouts without getting fined or fired.

The testosterone doping scandal reaches the Washington area. Hans Staffelbach and Simon Hernaez test positive, for their natural levels of the stuff.

While on trek to Nepal, Andy Blatecky climbs Mt. Everest, planting a DC Tri flag on the summit. On descending, however, he’s informed he mistakenly climbed K2 instead. He immediately climbs up the correct mountain. At Everest’s summit, he runs into Ron Benedict, who mistakenly thought he climbed up K2. The two trekkers descend, to find they’re at the bottom of Mt. Denali.

A.J. Morrison, Patrick Serfass, and Janie Hayes are tested on suspicion of doping—but they’re just fast.

To get enough calories for his trans-Saharan run, Dave Venables borrows a page from the Dean Karnazes playbook: With his cell phone, he arranges for the local falafel deliveryman to meet him on the fly at the intersection of the nearest oasis. Further, to prevent his running shoes from melting, Venables only trots on white sand.

Rock singer triathlete Abby Sanford has to skip Ironman Wisconsin after her contract on “Glee” is extended.

After protests from the Chinese Embassy, DC police detain Hillary Peabody at the Wilson High track workout. She has led “dynamic warm-ups” that were mistaken for exercises by the outlawed Falun Gong. Peabody is later awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Rob Falk ups his three-hour spin sessions to five hours, but lets participants hide motors in their bicycle frames.

While conducting a full-body imaging scan at National airport, TSA workers prove that Tuan Nguyen does indeed have additional testicular endowment. Tuan lends a digital copy of his image to Tiger Woods and Brent Fav-re.

Bored by 50-mile ultramarathons, Liane Axe attempts her most difficult and dangerous endurance event yet—spending an entire weekend riding the Wash, DC Metro.

After Catholic University raises the chlorine in its pool to ever higher levels, Hamid Moinamin, Shelley Sinclair, Piyush Aggarwala, and Tony Consoldane all emerge from the water with permanently bleached-blond hair. The already-fair Trisha Bergmann finds she’s completely invisible during Snowpocalypse II.

On their first-year wedding anniversary, Kimberley and Ryan de Jonckheere change their name to Kimberley and Ryan Clauer: it's just so much easier to pronounce.

Despite long delays in 2010, the club again hires the troubled Spirit bus line to ferry racers to the Myrtle Beach Triathlon. But the bus’ maintenance record improves after Mark Zaragoza is hired to bike SAG behind the bus.

Singapore expat Lisa Kilday founds Southeast Asia’s newest adventure sport—cyclocross racing through the hunting grounds of the Komodo dragon.

Because of the Glenn Beck and Jon Stewart rallies both held that day, the Training Tri at Hains Pt. is swamped by overflow traffic. Bikers slow to a crawl, and bunch together, forcing race director Hugh Harris to give everyone a drafting penalty.

Matt and Adriana Anderson’s High Cloud Foundation begins a program to help the world’s worst schools--after former education chief Michelle Rhee refuses to return to DC.

The designer of the brutal, unforgiving SavageMan course, Kyle Yost, is asked to put together the TSA’s new airport security checks.

In a yearly ritual prior to the start of the EagleMan Tri, race organizers silently swim in the pre-dawn dark out to the buoys, and attach them with longer ropes to secretly lengthen the swim course.

The Washington, DC Triathlon, seeking to add some hills to its essentially flat course, stages the run on the escalators of the Metro. The mechanical stairs are always out of service, affording runners totally safe climbs.

Near the end of the Leadville 100, Mark Zaragoza stops to help Lance Armstrong fix a flat tire, and finishes a close second. Armstrong comes in third, Carol Cohen finishes first.

On a lark, look-a-likes Ellen Wexler and Anna McGeehan exchange identities before going out on dates. By evening's end, they've both thrown Julian Assange out of their apartments.

During a vacation to India, Ed Moser subjects his barefoot Vibram running shoes to the ultimate test, by slowly walking across a bed of burning coals.

Near the end of his cross-Saharan run, Dave Venables has a terrible vision: racers bent over with exhaustion, suffering from terrible sunburn, begging spectators for water. Then he realizes it’s just a mirage, and he’s finishing up the Miami Triathlon.

During his hometown Philadelphia Marathon, Ron Benedict makes sure he finds the finish line, and assures himself a PR, by tethering himself to Courtney Fulton.

Travis Siehndel is dismissed from the U.S. Navy Band after tossing aside his tuba, and playing the National Anthem on a vuvuzuela.

Some members ask that the club’s finances be made public. But before the board can post the budget to the site, WikiLeaks releases the data.

Returning from a trip to Latin America, Alejandro Escobar walks through the Dulles Airport full-body imaging scan. Spectators shrug, however, for the image looks rather like the snug bathing suit he often wears. Still, when the image is joined with the audio of Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro,” it gets five million hits on YouTube.

Speedy Sarah Swigart and Sudden Andrew Sovonick win the Air Force Cycling Classic, on Capital Bikeshare frames.

Some events realize they can attract more racers who are otherwise intimidated by the names of the event. Thus SavageMan is renamed MetrosexualMan; Vineman Whineman; and Mountains of Misery becomes the Heavenly Hills of Happiness.

New video technology allows the recording and arrest of the jerks going after women runners on the Custis Trail. The stalkers are fed to the 8-foot bull sharks found in the Potomac.

Shaking off injuries from 2010, Karen Younkins, Jimmy Bisese, Ron Benedict, TJ Collins, Toby Mandel, and many others have outstanding 2011 seasons.

trithis73's ravatar trithis73    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 525
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 12:35 PM


It's always a pleasure to read your look backs. Another year down, and always looking forward to next year.

siehndel's ravatar siehndel    JOINED: 11/25/05    POSTS: 1104
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 1:32 PM

Ed, this club wouldn't be the same without you in many great ways... But your writing is something special. Thanks for taking the time to share this!

ncrcoach's ravatar ncrcoach    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 1101
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 2:08 PM

I second what Travis just said. Ed, that is some creative writing.

amacos's ravatar amacos    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 157
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 4:58 PM

Ed, you rock friend! That was awesome! We had a blast reading it!

pserfass's ravatar pserfass    JOINED: 3/23/09    POSTS: 450
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 6:22 PM

love it!

Gooba's ravatar Gooba    JOINED: 12/2/10    POSTS: 35
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/12/10 10:42 PM

Looking forward to another year. Good luck to everyone, Thanks Ed.

tgrollman's ravatar tgrollman    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 298
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/13/10 9:11 AM

2011 - DC Tri member Tania Grollman shave's 3 hours off her IM time at IM Brazil! :-)

PotomacTriathlete2009's ravatar PotomacTriathlete2009    JOINED: 9/19/09    POSTS: 532
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/13/10 6:22 PM

I can verify that Ed was 26 of 27 on his 2010 predictions. And 22 of 25 on his 2009 predictions. He's getting better every year. So this means D.C. is going to be one crazy town next year.

riggodrill's ravatar riggodrill    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 105
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/13/10 10:07 PM


-- TJ

KingsPoint2001's ravatar KingsPoint2001    JOINED: 11/2/09    POSTS: 99
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/14/10 8:54 AM

Very funny Ed. Exactly what I needed to be reading at 8:48am. Can you write on your bike?

abbyjs's ravatar abbyjs    JOINED: 4/7/09    POSTS: 699
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/14/10 9:07 AM

Ed, you're hilarious. And you've outed me that I love singing more than triathlon, but they are a very close #1 and #2!

pgfde121's ravatar pgfde121    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 284
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/14/10 9:43 AM

Awesome Ed, always enjoy reading your tidbits, first time I've seen the predictions though. Hope most of them are correct :-)

Why didn't you include anything in there about your new book receiving the National Book Award for an American author???

courtr26's ravatar courtr26    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 119
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/14/10 9:48 AM

That was so awesome Ed! Very clever. Your writing is always a pleasure to read. Keep it up!

mosered's ravatar mosered    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 2218
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/16/10 11:59 AM


After turning down a $170 million offer from the Yankees, bike enthusiast Eric Goetz agrees to join a Mexican team for Race Across America. His squad wins easily, as Guadalajara to Monterrey is a much shorter distance than the official San Diego to Annapolis route.

Amanda Chadwick, Stephanie Ewert, and Tammy Farmer finish 1-2-3 in the Bay Swim, then deny they wore performance-enhancing LZR Racer suits under their regular wetsuits.

At mile 26.1 of the marathon at Ironman Kona, Kelsie Beebe loses her narrow lead when she pauses to upload a detailed race report to Facebook.

Snowpocalypse II leads to great demand for indoor workouts. So Rob Falk ups his three-hour spin sessions to five hours, while giving folks a break by letting them hide motors in their stationary bikes.

A rare accident occurs when Dana Farrell--while riding south during her Cairo-to-Capetown bike tour, collides with Dave Venables, while heading east during his cross-Saharan run--at the bike-to-run transition of Triathlon Tanzania. Fortunately, both endurance athletes are unhurt, and they climb Mt. Kilamanjaro together.

When Tuan Nguyen obtains a permit for PeasantMan II at Sandy Pt. Park, Maryland's hostile park rangers swing back into action. They schedule the event on a low-tide day, turning the swim into a slog. They sprinkle thousands of tacks onto the bike course. And they reroute the run under the Bay Bridge.

Tatania Grollman cuts another three hours off her Ironman Brazil time, despite riding a heavier bike. In honor of this feat, teammates dub her Carbons Grollman.

The salt water pool at the Xsport gym becomes so salty that bearded preachers grasping Dead Sea scrolls take to walking across it, with shooting stars and Wise Men swimming in their wake.

irishnd02's ravatar irishnd02    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 116
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/16/10 9:37 PM

How did you know I'm headed to Vail?

Tis good to be remembered. I miss my DC Tri peeps! Happy 2011 to all of you & come visit if you need altitude training :)

berlz13's ravatar berlz13    JOINED: 2/28/09    POSTS: 38
RE: 2011 Predictions, and a Look Back at 2010 :)
POSTED: 12/17/10 10:10 AM

Very entertaining Ed. I have to laugh that you spelled de Jonckheere correct but Clauer is with a "C" :)

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