Attention Peasant Class Citizens,
Please allow me a few seconds of your billable hours for this important PeasantMan message. Forgive me for interrupting your CNN.com reading hours while at work. First of all, I know you're probably thinking, "I thought that I unsubscribed from that damn Vietnamese!" Well, once again, your thoughts are absolutely wrong and irrelevant. You can't unsubscribe Vietnamese Royalty. Western civilization, can't unsubscribe Vietnamese Royalty. Accepting this fate is your only salvation.
Like I told my mom, if it makes you feel better, click here to unsubscribe from favorite son #1 ---> UNSUBSCRIBE
I know that many of you are type-A people who are not only looking at your 2013 schedule, but are also actively looking at 2014, 2015, and the top three colleges that your unborn children will be rejected from. Why stop there? Why not go 5 deep? To that end, I'm here to announce that PeasantMan 2013 will take place at Lake Anna on Sunday, May 5, 2013. We will open up registration in early spring.
Please keep in mind that the "early spring" date is a "Vietnamese early spring" sign up date. Please don't contact me in the early spring to ask me if it's early spring yet. In Vietnam, we don't have a spring. I will just have to wild ass guess as to when this imperialistic American-made "spring" season begins.
For PeasantMan 2012, as you recall, I got road rash for my birthday. Next year, I'm hoping for a really cool STD. You know ... the kind that just mocks Penicillin.
Anyway, the registration date will be first released on our Facebook page (http://www.facebook.com/PeasantMan). It will then be announced to the rest of the world through our extensive network of child laborers. Our made in Saigon fiber optics bandwidth technology can only handle 3 people registering at the same time, two of which must be done via slowmail. That is why we chose this revolutionary multi-tier approach. Oiy! Why am I even bothering to explain Vietnamese culture to you people!?
We plan to have the same setup as last year. That is, a full day of activities (open water swim, bike rides between 10-112 miles, clinics, food, waterboarding, and etc) on Saturday, May 4th and a "race" on Sunday, May 5th.
Finally, to answer the first question that I know that I will receive once this email has been sent ... it's Lake Anna on Sunday, May 5, 2013. Start time? How the hell should I know. WTF!?!
This year I'll be looking to best my previous sprint swim time of 48 minutes by 20 minutes, finishing in 68 minutes.
We'll shorten the run for you this year so that you can do it in 58 minutes. Or, we'll just take the batteries out of the clock when it reaches 58 minutes. That's how we roll.